My change of mind.

[TheRealKarma]

Hello, this is Hershel (since it's my most loved character by you guys.)

When I first joined this server, my first ever Gmod server. I felt like an alien, I was so lost when it came to how to adapt and role-play. But overtime, though some mistakes. I learned. When i joined Naval, a new love was found. My love for Hershel. I wanted to create a character that adds a bit more goofy to the server (there is plenty but not in a more active way). I wanted to make the down time of the server the most fun and involve as many people. Hunter, Clones, Naval, and even senators. My goal was to add more stuff to do in the server.

I then figured, if I wanted to do more for the server. I should apply for staff, grow to be one of the most active, fun and fair admins and host many events or activates for everyone. But after some recent events...

I have changed my mind.

I won't go into it. But all I can say is my motivation to be as active as possible has severely dropped. I fear that my time and effort will be in vain if I did apply for Staff. I fear that I will fail in my job to entertain and bring smiles and laughter to you all. I wanted to grow more, but now I feel nervous and even scared to write this. Will I lose my position? Get banned? Will I be looked on a different light?

I don't know.

All I can say, is that I feel more hurt than angry or upset. I wanted to grow more onto this server but I feel like it is not worth the risk to have my heartbroken. This server helped me out of my depression, it still makes me happy as all hell. But I feel like I will go back to my dark corner; I feel bad that my first ever form post is this sad.

I am ready to discuss or talk to anyone. But I will be halting my attempt to join staff, as much as I want to do more for the server as I can. I feel it ain't worth the risk.

Please be collected and calm, this is nobody fault or you should be angry or upset at. This is simply me announcing what was on my mind....

- Hershel 

[Bosk]

+1

[Bosk]

I'm sorry hersal it's good that the server took you out of depression but servers can help depression can quickly fall down to shit. You are a very outgoing friendly person I love hershel. Your an amazing postive person gatler and I always loved hearing hershel. If you need any help with anything HMU vent Idc say some fucked up shit Idc I am going through a lot to I've found the server as a partial coping method but lifting weights has become my new love. Try it out get a workout routine and do it I feel so positive I went through a break up hate my dad got my sister taken away but I still am positive this event that recently accured has ruined that. It really hurts to hear this synergy is meant for the people not hungry staff if you want I can list recent events if anyone wants to know but this is so dissapointing over such a small thing we wanna have fun let us 

[RangerDanger]

+1

[KaiserNeiner]

Sorry to hear you're goin through this brother. I can personally say how much we in the 212th appreciates you and your involvement with your battalion and getting Role-player of the week as your Naval is huge. You have a positive impact on the server as a whole and I know you've made people smile in the past. 

Staff can feel like a task but I find GM work to be extremely rewarding. Setting up dupes, storylines, main server events and deployments is so much fun and the GM team does a lot of work to positively impact the server. I would highly recommend trying that out if you want to start your staff journey. 

[Mystic]

The staff team isn't for everyone. It takes an enormous mental toll on members involved in situations. Especially so for High Staff. I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way, If it's someone that's making you feel this way in the staff team please do report it to any high staff, or fill out the feedback form anonymously. 

I will say right now nobody is going to look at you differently for your decisions/posting this. There have been far worse things posted and said about people and the community that people have gotten away with. Simply stating your feelings and how you feel about the server overall isn't something anyone will be mad about. You will find alot of support in this community if you look deep. Myself included. I don't think i've ever interacted with you but if you need someone to speak to, or someone to handle a situation please don't hesitate to contact me. Your roleplay on this server has been beyond engaging and you have brought so much fun to the people around you who interact with you and your character. Staff and Game Master are great ways to further this, but they're both extremely daunting and stressful at times. Much like Kaiser stated above me, GMing tends to be much more rewarding than stuff and lot more fun if bringing enjoyment is all you want. It's a separate ranking from staff and all you have to do is host events/encounters. You won't be asked to handle bans, sits, upholding server rules etc. Please don' let people get to your head. It would be a big loss for the community to lose someone as in touch with their roleplay character as you. If you have any concerns about staff please also speak to myself, or even reach out to another VA/SA you may feel more comfortable speaking to. 

I can't speak for everyone but i know during my time on Synergy i've never wanted people to feel left out or worried that if they join staff something bad would happen to them. I am sure there are people out here much like yourself. 

If you ever need to talk, whether it be off the server or about the server reach out to me here on the forums, or via discord Mystic#9245 

It's rough to find people to trust, but once you do it changes your whole world on this server i promise!

If its just your own superstitions or you don't quite understand something and feel it could nip you in the butt please also reach out! We're here to help you!

Edited April 19, 2023 by Mystic