[IRL/Vent/Graphic/Warning] When it rains, it pours.

[Jagger]

Don't feel obligated to rely or do anything. This is just a real vent/rant. Venting is good and healthy to do. Hopefully this helps someone out. I shouldn't have to say this, but don't meme. It's time for some real talk. Let me take a breath in as this anchor tugs my chest a bit more. Hang onto something, I'm dropping my personal anchor.

I really don't get it sometimes. I've been through some heavy stuff, yet sometimes even the lightest feathers are difficult to brush off.

I was stuck in a civil war for 3 years. I've SEEN some fucking shit. I've witnessed the unimaginable, I've done the unthinkable. Shootings, explosions, gore, screams, chaos, insanity, death. I witnessed family members die in-front of me. I've witnessed friends die in-front of me. I've witnessed strangers die in-front of me. I've witnessed myself die in-front of me. I fought for survival, I did things in self defense. I've faced death countless times. I've attempted suicide five times. I've broken down more times than the pieces of shattered glass. Abuse from family. Abuse from childhood. 

Yet I can't tell you why till this day I find it so hard to get up from bed in the morning. Why everything feels so fleeting. Relationships, friendships, and all of that. None feel truly close. When they do come close, one day they just vanish. Were they really a friend?

Some days are great, some days are alright, some days I wish to cross my chest and hope to die.

You, stranger. Stranger who I find more comfort with than my wretched blood-family. Who may or may not understand; What do you make of this? Too youthful to know? Too inexperienced to understand? Then hush, no need to comment or act. Simply watch and observe.

/end

I've been having a tough time coping with shit. A lot has happened over the summer that I'm still having trouble recovering from. Breakups, losing friends, feeling alone in a crowd of people. I plan to write a book about my experiences in my life. I just did this to vent mostly. I don't know why, but I just find it easier to vent to a group of strangers than with my friends.

Goodnight! Have a nice day.

[Venom]

I want you to get up everyday and look in the mirror, and drill the thought that even if you dont have anyone else, you atleast have yourself and your sanity. Stay on the steady path and never stop believing in yourself.  And also this is a community where if you need someone to talk to, people would be more than happy to listen and give a helping hand, especially for someone like you. 

[Evan]

Im not a religious person but there is a quote from the bible that I think will help you feel less overwhelmed: “...So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

As horrible as the present is and as bad as you might feel right now, there's an unforeseeable future that holds the hope of being better. Never give up on this hope. Even when life rocks you to your core and you dont feel like you can go on anymore just remember, this too shall pass.

Hope this helps. Stay strong.

[Rolenth]

Jagger, not everyone but some of us have seen some shit maaaan. I was a EMT for 2 years(retired now). I've seen things that you might have and someone no one in their life should never see. Do we have stories? We do BUT we choose not to tell them. You see the people living in my channel @Tristan@Bacoon@SquirtleKitty@Hudson, they've heard some of them, some of the worst things I've ever seen.

Have I tried to kill myself? Today is day 13 without trying. Yea guys, its been that soon. Not every scar can be healed, trust me. 

Do I want to be here? Kinda do, kinda don't. 

Regardless, it's the people who we surround ourselves with now who make us want to stay. 

Jagger I know you don't know me to well or at all, but i'm always here to talk. My channel can go from 15 people to 2 in seconds. Ask any of the 4 I mentioned above, they can tell you. 

As i'm typing this....I had to do my old job literally 2 hours ago. I will not discuss openly what happened but it was rough man.

We're all here for each other.

Lastly, I watch this literally daily, this speech has saved my life more than any one person can do. (Start from 1:00)

 

[Dragon]

I can only imagine what you are going through. The following quote has helped me a lot in life and this is not a meme, before anyone says  it is. 

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remebers to turn on the light."

Edited September 6, 2017 by Dragon

[Jagger]

Thanks guys. I was in a depression cycle and I had to let it out before it ate me up more at night. I would directly reply to your posts but I have to leave for college now, once I get back home in about 7-8 hours I'll try to reply individually. Thanks again, it means a lot. 

[Kyle Vanhorn]

Ok time for me to have some fun. Jagger I served in the United States Marine Corps for 2 years before I got shot in 2006. I have seen more people die in my two years in the military than your whole life. I am not trying to brag bc that sucks seeing anyone die. I did Firefighting and EMS work for over 7 years. I am a 100% Disabled veteran right now who has a hard time walking and can't even bend over to pick up stuff off the floor. If you ever get depressed and I am on the server feel free to talk to me. I have went through that shit and even worse due to PTSD. The fucked up shit that I've seen in the military I hope no one ever sees in their own life.  @Medic lets swap some stories lol.

[Ccmonty]

Dang dude that's deep I can relate though here comes my personal anchor drop in 6th grace I was bullied the ENTIRE year and no one did anything. Not my family not my friends not the teachers who I told dozens of fucking time no one. But I got though it becuase I held on to the hope that things would get better and tried to stay positive. So keep your chin up dude and remember that we are here to support you. We strangers online who are sitting in our basement in the dark alone eating chips are here for you dude always!

[Tristan]

i remember coming here for the first time, to this community back in late august 2016 and honestly, it probably saved me from doing things i would have regret, in june 2016 i watched someone i loved for very much deteriorate rapidly because of cancer, what hurt the most was i went from seeing and talking to him everyday, literally eating breakfast, laughing, joking and making memories with him.. to just nothing. Silence, i very vividly remember walking out of the room the minute he passed away and punched the floor as hard as i could. i was the one to have to call everyone that wasn't there to tell them he'd died, after that day all i wanted to do was just end it because i didn't know what i was going to do without him

point is, although sometimes it doesnt seem like it, were all here for eachother because were a family in more aspects than we can probably count

also @Medic wont hesitate for a moment to help you, or talk, or just simply sit there with you while your in pain or grieving, hes done it for me and he'll do it for you too

Edited September 5, 2017 by Tristan

[Jagger]

18 hours ago, Venom said:

I want you to get up everyday and look in the mirror, and drill the thought that even if you dont have anyone else, you atleast have yourself and your sanity. Stay on the steady path and never stop believing in yourself.  And also this is a community where if you need someone to talk to, people would be more than happy to listen and give a helping hand, especially for someone like you. 

- " you atleast have yourself and your sanity."

What little of it, yes. I did legitimately go 'insane' and the difference is astounding, I am grateful. But let me tell ya, I do try to tell myself that in the mirror but in my own reflection I see torrents in my eyes.

- "Stay on the steady path and never stop believing in yourself."

Agreed, however depression is like alcohol. Have you seen an intoxicated person walk a steady path?

I also have hard times believing in myself. It's not that I don't think I can do it. I actually hate myself sometimes for reasons I don't fully get. For things I don't have full control over. its just sometimes it would be nice to have a companion to believe in me when I sometimes can't.

  - "And also this is a community where if you need someone to talk to, people would be more than happy to listen and give a helping hand, especially for someone like you."

Amen hallelujah. Unfortunately however I don't think I'll be able to relate with people due to my ab-skewed experiences. What I want is something deeper. However a wise man once said, "With contentment, you shall find happiness." Content with my life homie. 

 

Didn't mean to shit on your support. I value you and thank you for it. It's just that when riding a bad tide, there's a problem with the horizon. There is no horizon. I know what you're thinking. Yes, I just did. Yes, it's how I cope, lmao.

[Jagger]

18 hours ago, Evan said:

Im not a religious person but there is a quote from the bible that I think will help you feel less overwhelmed: “...So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen.  For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.”

As horrible as the present is and as bad as you might feel right now, there's an unforeseeable future that holds the hope of being better. Never give up on this hope. Even when life rocks you to your core and you dont feel like you can go on anymore just remember, this too shall pass.

Hope this helps. Stay strong.

Firstly, thanks for the support. Reading everyone's comment helped put a smile.

Secondly, religion has always been an issue for me. I'm a muslim (and you bet I'm leaving it at that) and I just find myself conflicted with the scripts. I use to follow it blindly and believed I lived in happiness, but it blinded me from reality. I'm not sure if the blindness was to protect me or rather did it hurt me because God, I was unprepared. From what I gather from that quote, "Just look towards the future, it can't get any worse... right?" which personally, is a bad mindset. I prefer to just say "Its shit now, its gonna be shit later. Sludge through and deep breathes while you can."

Yes, this too shall pass, as we will all pass on.

 

 

[Jagger]

18 hours ago, Medic said:

Jagger, not everyone but some of us have seen some shit maaaan. I was a EMT for 2 years(retired now). I've seen things that you might have and someone no one in their life should never see. Do we have stories? We do BUT we choose not to tell them. You see the people living in my channel @Tristan@Bacoon@SquirtleKitty@Hudson, they've heard some of them, some of the worst things I've ever seen.

Have I tried to kill myself? Today is day 13 without trying. Yea guys, its been that soon. Not every scar can be healed, trust me. 

Do I want to be here? Kinda do, kinda don't. 

Regardless, it's the people who we surround ourselves with now who make us want to stay. 

Jagger I know you don't know me to well or at all, but i'm always here to talk. My channel can go from 15 people to 2 in seconds. Ask any of the 4 I mentioned above, they can tell you. 

As i'm typing this....I had to do my old job literally 2 hours ago. I will not discuss openly what happened but it was rough man.

We're all here for each other.

Lastly, I watch this literally daily, this speech has saved my life more than any one person can do. (Start from 1:00)

 

I was looking forward to replying to this. First of all, thanks for the support, it's very appreciated.

Thank you for being open about the EMT and attempted suicide. Glad you're still here with us.

EMT... I have a friend who is EMT and a few others who are getting into it. The things I've heard man... unbelievable. While it's not my fault nor place, I apologize for what you've been through and hope it only steels you for the future endeavors. I'll admit, I would be interested to hear such stories however I am not arrogant to pry, the peace should be granted. Though I will take you up on those offers to talk when possible. Thank you for your words.

I see your motivational speech video and I raise you this motivational video of speeches. This really helps me.

 

[Jagger]

12 hours ago, Dragon said:

I can only imagine what you are going through. The following quote has helped me a lot in life and this is not a meme, before anyone says  it is. 

"Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remebersto turn on the light."

Thank you for your support.

A true quote that has presented itself in many shapes and forms before me. Yet nice to be remembered. Love ya Dragon.

[Jagger]

5 hours ago, Kyle Vanhorn said:

Ok time for me to have some fun. Jagger I served in the United States Marine Corps for 2 years before I got shot in 2006. I have seen more people die in my two years in the military than your whole life. I am not trying to brag bc that sucks seeing anyone die. I did Firefighting and EMS work for over 7 years. I am a 100% Disabled veteran right now who has a hard time walking and can't even bend over to pick up stuff off the floor. If you ever get depressed and I am on the server feel free to talk to me. I have went through that shit and even worse due to PTSD. The fucked up shit that I've seen in the military I hope no one ever sees in their own life.  @Medic lets swap some stories lol.

Here's another one I was really looking forward to reply back. Thank you for the support, highly appreciated.

I hope that (hopefully) the many times you've probably heard this, I hope the words haven't lost its value; Thank you for your service.

Allow me to first say, by all means I don't think of myself as a special snowflake. I know people have been through worse and are dealing with worse. Part of that is why I kick myself when I pity myself. It's just that irrational warp I get caught in and it's got quite the jaws.

I'm sorry to hear about the horrible experiences you had during your time in the marines. My condolences for the ones you lost, my apologies for the injuries you have suffered. I have many veteran friends and from time to time we share stories, crying and laughing over the similarities. I would love to hear your stories and swap some stories.

I'm actually working with a friend who comes from a military family, we're trying to run a veteran's club at our college campus to help support veterans of all shapes and kinds. Whether their scars are physical or mental, we are all there to relate and support. I've personally helped a few veterans with the stories I shared and the lessons I derived from them. A wholesome feeling when you get a hug from a big marine fellow in tears, thanking you for the relief. I believe that's the only way to give myself relief. I'll let you know how it goes and maybe you can give us a few pointers!

Either way, we gotta talk. I knew you were a cool guy in-game, but now I need to hear more. Let me hear that horn.

 

[Jagger]

3 hours ago, ccmonty said:

Dang dude that's deep I can relate though here comes my personal anchor drop in 6th grace I was bullied the ENTIRE year and no one did anything. Not my family not my friends not the teachers who I told dozens of fucking time no one. But I got though it becuase I held on to the hope that things would get better and tried to stay positive. So keep your chin up dude and remember that we are here to support you. We strangers online who are sitting in our basement in the dark alone eating chips are here for you dude always!

Yeah I've had some shit bullying happen to me too. In both small and big doses. When I came back into highschool after the civil war however, I had this aura of dread and "I don't give a shit about you". Luckly I didn't have to worry about it too much later on, but as an Arab kid living in the US when 9/11 happened, it wasn't fun. Thanks for the support.

[Jagger]

3 hours ago, Tristan said:

i remember coming here for the first time, to this community back in late august 2016 and honestly, it probably saved me from doing things i would have regret, in june 2016 i watched someone i loved for very much deteriorate rapidly because of cancer, what hurt the most was i went from seeing and talking to him everyday, literally eating breakfast, laughing, joking and making memories with him.. to just nothing. Silence, i very vividly remember walking out of the room the minute he passed away and punched the floor as hard as i could. i was the one to have to call everyone that wasn't there to tell them he'd died, after that day all i wanted to do was just end it because i didn't know what i was going to do without him

point is, although sometimes it doesnt seem like it, were all here for eachother because were a family in more aspects than we can probably count

also @Medic wont hesitate for a moment to help you, or talk, or just simply sit there with you while your in pain or grieving, hes done it for me and he'll do it for you too

Man, you don't know how much SWRP has distracted me from shit. A small kid was able to spark up a bit again inside. I've lost family members to cancer. Honestly, fuck cancer. I'm sorry to hear about your dear loss but I know they aren't gone. As to truly be gone, is to be forgotten. And as long as you remember them and keep a place in your heart for them, they'll live through you and thus be with you for the rest of your life. Don't be sad because they're gone, smile because it happened.

@Medic

@Tristan

@Kyle Vanhorn

I want you guys to come to me for shit. That mutual feeling of "Hey, I'm not alone in this shit". If you need to bitch, cry, talk, whatever; please come to me. I gain a lot of validation and happiness by helping others, so let me do that. As shitty as it may sound, some of my happiness moments was participating in mental health groups and volunteering in suicide hotlines. I've saved many people from committing suicide and it's personally my most proud achievements. 

Well folks, the heart to heart has been done. I feel much better and this is something I have time to time... it helps.

Edited September 5, 2017 by Jagger

[Ccmonty]

2 hours ago, Jagger said:

Yeah I've had some shit bullying happen to me too. In both small and big doses. When I came back into highschool after the civil war however, I had this aura of dread and "I don't give a shit about you". Luckly I didn't have to worry about it too much later on, but as an Arab kid living in the US when 9/11 happened, it wasn't fun. Thanks for the support.

Hey man don't even think about it I have a saying: 1 kind act from saving a life to giving a dollar makes the world a better sense place no matter what anyone says know that there's always ALWAYS someone out there to support you ???????????????????

[Ccmonty]

And if that doesn't cheer you up here's a weegee dab

[Dragon]

5 hours ago, Jagger said:

Thank you for your support.

A true quote that has presented itself in many shapes and forms before me. Yet nice to be remembered. Love ya Dragon.

And now it's time to reveal who said it. 

Albus Dumbledore. Got to love Harry Potter for its inspirational quotes. 

[Autistic Bruno]

On 4/9/2017 at 11:19 PM, Jagger said:

Don't feel obligated to rely or do anything. This is just a real vent/rant. Venting is good and healthy to do. Hopefully this helps someone out. I shouldn't have to say this, but don't meme. It's time for some real talk. Let me take a breath in as this anchor tugs my chest a bit more. Hang onto something, I'm dropping my personal anchor.

I really don't get it sometimes. I've been through some heavy stuff, yet sometimes even the lightest feathers are difficult to brush off.

I was stuck in a civil war for 3 years. I've SEEN some fucking shit. I've witnessed the unimaginable, I've done the unthinkable. Shootings, explosions, gore, screams, chaos, insanity, death. I witnessed family members die in-front of me. I've witnessed friends die in-front of me. I've witnessed strangers die in-front of me. I've witnessed myself die in-front of me. I fought for survival, I did things in self defense. I've faced death countless times. I've attempted suicide five times. I've broken down more times than the pieces of shattered glass. Abuse from family. Abuse from childhood. 

Yet I can't tell you why till this day I find it so hard to get up from bed in the morning. Why everything feels so fleeting. Relationships, friendships, and all of that. None feel truly close. When they do come close, one day they just vanish. Were they really a friend?

Some days are great, some days are alright, some days I wish to cross my chest and hope to die.

You, stranger. Stranger who I find more comfort with than my wretched blood-family. Who may or may not understand; What do you make of this? Too youthful to know? Too inexperienced to understand? Then hush, no need to comment or act. Simply watch and observe.

/end

I've been having a tough time coping with shit. A lot has happened over the summer that I'm still having trouble recovering from. Breakups, losing friends, feeling alone in a crowd of people. I plan to write a book about my experiences in my life. I just did this to vent mostly. I don't know why, but I just find it easier to vent to a group of strangers than with my friends.

Goodnight! Have a nice day.

 

8 hours ago, Tristan said:

i remember coming here for the first time, to this community back in late august 2016 and honestly, it probably saved me from doing things i would have regret, in june 2016 i watched someone i loved for very much deteriorate rapidly because of cancer, what hurt the most was i went from seeing and talking to him everyday, literally eating breakfast, laughing, joking and making memories with him.. to just nothing. Silence, i very vividly remember walking out of the room the minute he passed away and punched the floor as hard as i could. i was the one to have to call everyone that wasn't there to tell them he'd died, after that day all i wanted to do was just end it because i didn't know what i was going to do without him

point is, although sometimes it doesnt seem like it, were all here for eachother because were a family in more aspects than we can probably count

also @Medic wont hesitate for a moment to help you, or talk, or just simply sit there with you while your in pain or grieving, hes done it for me and he'll do it for you too

 

10 hours ago, Kyle Vanhorn said:

Ok time for me to have some fun. Jagger I served in the United States Marine Corps for 2 years before I got shot in 2006. I have seen more people die in my two years in the military than your whole life. I am not trying to brag bc that sucks seeing anyone die. I did Firefighting and EMS work for over 7 years. I am a 100% Disabled veteran right now who has a hard time walking and can't even bend over to pick up stuff off the floor. If you ever get depressed and I am on the server feel free to talk to me. I have went through that shit and even worse due to PTSD. The fucked up shit that I've seen in the military I hope no one ever sees in their own life.  @Medic lets swap some stories lol.

 

On 5/9/2017 at 0:46 AM, Medic said:

Jagger, not everyone but some of us have seen some shit maaaan. I was a EMT for 2 years(retired now). I've seen things that you might have and someone no one in their life should never see. Do we have stories? We do BUT we choose not to tell them. You see the people living in my channel @Tristan@Bacoon@SquirtleKitty@Hudson, they've heard some of them, some of the worst things I've ever seen.

Have I tried to kill myself? Today is day 13 without trying. Yea guys, its been that soon. Not every scar can be healed, trust me. 

Do I want to be here? Kinda do, kinda don't. 

Regardless, it's the people who we surround ourselves with now who make us want to stay. 

Jagger I know you don't know me to well or at all, but i'm always here to talk. My channel can go from 15 people to 2 in seconds. Ask any of the 4 I mentioned above, they can tell you. 

As i'm typing this....I had to do my old job literally 2 hours ago. I will not discuss openly what happened but it was rough man.

We're all here for each other.

Lastly, I watch this literally daily, this speech has saved my life more than any one person can do. (Start from 1:00)

 

I know this will probably sound like a fucking cliche but I am really sorry to hear what you guys been through.  Never imagined that you guys dealt with all this stuff. Thanks for contributing to the community and I hope you get better @Jagger.

 

@Medic lov u.

[Jagger]

7 minutes ago, Autistic Bruno said:

 

 

 

I know this will probably sound like a fucking cliche but I am really sorry to hear what you guys been through.  Never imagined that you guys dealt with all this stuff. Thanks for contributing to the community and I hope you get better @Jagger.

 

@Medic lov u.

I think many of us can agree on this, but the reason why we are here and do what we do is to distract ourselves from our lives. It ain't all rainbow and sunshine out there so we immerse ourselves in a completely different universe and reside in our childhood joys. 

[Ccmonty]

10 hours ago, Jagger said:

I think many of us can agree on this, but the reason why we are here and do what we do is to distract ourselves from our lives. It ain't all rainbow and sunshine out there so we immerse ourselves in a completely different universe and reside in our childhood joys. 

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep thats preatty much it when im on here all worrys fade away and all thoughts are replaced with:YEAH TIME FOR THE MEMES!

[Hudson]

So though I haven't watched people die right in front, I have still yet been affected by depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and sometimes a little paranoia. Just goes to show that mental illness isn't exclusive to anyone. 

One thing that I have been able to do is fight against it. I used to be much worse. When I was 13 until about 18 I was haunted by my suicidal thoughts, I would never act on it, but they taunted me nights while I tried to sleep, kept me up and drove me to tears. 

The thing that occupied my mind most and helped me to get past a lot of it was music. Playing, singing, and listening to music. From time to time I go through spells of anxiety, depression and occasionally a panic attack, but it isn't nearly as bad as it was.

One thing I understand is important from my own experience before is talking with someone. I had a therapist, but it could be anyone who is willing to listen and is trustworthy.

So I will let it be known once again for any of those who don't know already, my office in TeamSpeak is set to OPEN by default, and while I may get the occasional troll, it means that anyone who needs to talk can come there, I can lock the channel and we talk one on one. Nothing you say leaves that channel. Ever. Period. 

Thank you @Medic and @Kyle Vanhorn

Edited September 6, 2017 by Hudson
Had to thank these two for being open about things

[Ccmonty]

4 minutes ago, Hudson said:

So though I haven't watched people die right in front, I have still yet been affected by depression, anxiety, panic attacks, and sometimes a little paranoia. Just goes to show that mental illness isn't exclusive to anyone. 

One thing that I have been able to do is fight against it. I used to be much worse. When I was 13 until about 18 I was haunted by my suicidal thoughts, I would never act on it, but they taunted me nights while I tried to sleep, kept me up and drove me to tears. 

The thing that occupied my mind most and helped me to get past a lot of it was music. Playing, singing, and listening to music. From time to time I go through spells of anxiety, depression and occasionally a panic attack, but it isn't nearly as bad as it was.

One thing I understand is important from my own experience before is talking with someone. I had a therapist, but it could be anyone who is willing to listen and is trustworthy.

So I will let it be known once again for any of those who don't know already, my office in TeamSpeak is set to OPEN by default, and while I may get the occasional troll, it means that anyone who needs to talk can come there, I can lock the channel and we talk one on one. Nothing you say leaves that channel. Ever. Period. 

Thank you @Medic and @Kyle Vanhorn

Thats VERY noble and kind of you dude

[Hudson]

1 hour ago, ccmonty said:

Thats VERY noble and kind of you dude

It's the kind of thing that makes me feel happy myself. If I can help make someone's day a bit easier then I've done more than I could have hoped.

[Ccmonty]

6 minutes ago, Hudson said:

It's the kind of thing that makes me feel happy myself. If I can help make someone's day a bit easier then I've done more than I could have hoped.

true dat good to know theres someone else who gets it

[Hudson]

Also, my apologies, I forgot to mention the original poster, @Jagger thank you for being open about things. I hope things like this help you. I'm here for you friend.

In fact, I'd be willing to be open about my story if you'd like to hear, but I'd much rather speak than type it out. I'd rather not type a full length novel about emotions and stuff, it's easier just to chat. 

But I'm here for all of you @Medic @Jagger @Kyle Vanhorn and all others affected who aren't as open.

Edited September 6, 2017 by Hudson

[Ccmonty]

20 hours ago, Hudson said:

Also, my apologies, I forgot to mention the original poster, @Jagger thank you for being open about things. I hope things like this help you. I'm here for you friend.

In fact, I'd be willing to be open about my story if you'd like to hear, but I'd much rather speak than type it out. I'd rather not type a full length novel about emotions and stuff, it's easier just to chat. 

But I'm here for all of you @Medic @Jagger @Kyle Vanhorn and all others affected who aren't as open.

Yeah jagger for you to open like this with TOTAL strangers that takes guts man!
 

[Jagger]

22 hours ago, Hudson said:

Also, my apologies, I forgot to mention the original poster, @Jagger thank you for being open about things. I hope things like this help you. I'm here for you friend.

In fact, I'd be willing to be open about my story if you'd like to hear, but I'd much rather speak than type it out. I'd rather not type a full length novel about emotions and stuff, it's easier just to chat. 

But I'm here for all of you @Medic @Jagger @Kyle Vanhorn and all others affected who aren't as open.

Thank you for your words Hudson; the panics attacks/anxiety/depression that you mentioned are something I deal with as well and it'll be nice to have someone to talk with about that. The best you can do is heal our souls with your majestic singing.