Depressed ZaP

This is former ZaP of the CG and just 20 mins ago i was let go for baton abuse. Idk how people cant clearly see im off and people impersonate me. (If i was on id be in teamspeak). I was let go but no. This happened in and out of an event. Some naval and rancor were yelling and screaming at me for not foing my job when i was walking with naval to comms deck and atc defending them. ( they yell at me for dying from like 50 enemies when i was the only CG on). Kirara mostly. Yes i do go over the line with my jokes and yes i do mess up with arresting but im cool and i talk it out and they forgive me i get into trouble but no when naval and mostly a 23 year old woman trying to control a 15 yr old kid when that happens no one is held for it and its just my first week at synergy loved it after that being constantly abused and punished for it when i defend myself is outrageous. Yes i do mess up but all you say is its just a game dont take it seriously then turn around and say the exact opposite really tics me off. The abuse from ranco and naval happened about a day and a half ago no one got into trouble and no one cares that i have to buy my depression meds again and that i hold a gun up to my head every now and then and recently getting kicked out of the one place that made me happy makes it look like im just going to pull the trigger next time i do it. Just watch your server and punish the people who are abussive. (Edit) and when i do mess up i dont do it ever again and i leave people alone but its when they follow you and know you hang out around those places and they now are starting to go there makes all the difference. Except now theres no difference i just get yelled at and abused for a person i cannot control. And yes i mess up i acknowledge it and i clean myself up and i dont do it again but its when people force you to do stuff and then play victim when you do it is something that "victim" controlls not the actual victim doing it in self defense and manipulation.