Slice of life - Corona 2020

[Hero]

Hello, it’s Hero/Hisoka. For reference, I am 17 and a rising senior in highschool.

As I first heard of Corona virus I was sitting in my US/VA history class and we joked around saying it would never happen. A few weeks later and the later half of my second semester was removed. I was sent home and I kept myself under strict quarantine because I wanted the virus to pass over us and let us be on with our lives. During the first beginning days I didn’t think much of it, in and out in a couple weeks I’ll be fine. As we began going through the first days I began to realize how little social interaction I have outside of school and swim practice. Without mandatory social hours my inner network of friends is essentially non existent except for my few best friends. I was contempt staying inside all day, I didn’t find it much of a bother. I worked out daily, played video games, ate a lot of food, and slept till 12 each day. (Let me interject here, If you wake up past 11am NORMALLY then you need to fix that. You waste so much of your day when you do that it’s insane. But that’s my opinion) I didn’t find quarantine a “unlawful house arrest order” and honestly I appreciate the new face mask policy. As someone with a immunosuppressive dad I think that everyone who feels sick should just wear a mask as a kind gesture that you are a decent human being and respect other people. Skipping to the present, I look forward into my future with strained eyes. I see a future academic career that is supposed to be online with 2 day in person classes a week.

My personal battle with expressing empathy and compassion for others has been put to the test recently as well. I went to a party (mask on ofc) and met a wonderful person, but because I have never been to a party before I ended up have an anxiety attack and just chatting with one of my close friends instead. People have been coming to me with their problems and instead of being able to properly help all I know how to say is “I’m so sorry” 

I said before the start of quarantine. “If you don’t change something about yourself or help improve yourself during this time we are given. Then you don’t deserve to be treated differently when returning.” But now as I sit here in my bed after Phase 3 was announced and initiated. I honestly think I wasted my time. I haven’t improved with my social anxiety, I haven’t learned any new useful tricks or skills really, I still smoke every day, grasping for a distortion in the reality I live so I can just relax and escape myself. I find myself looking into the past reflecting how many times I let people walk over me and shit on me. I don’t have depression, and I wouldn’t ever kill myself because I Want to accomplish things. But sometimes I feel as if I just want to disappear for a week.

thats about it, I’m sorry I got off topic and got emotional but that’s what happened. 
 

-Hero

[Keo]

Well it's nice to see you are open about your feelings and able to elaborate on how you feel because unfortunately a lot of people are unfamiliar with that concept and in turn just become very angry with themselves and others.

 

When it comes to empathy and compassion, sometimes these can be hard to demonstrate and use in daily situations like the one you mentioned. Your heart is in the right place and it is nice of you to want to help but sometimes these things take time. It can be hard to interact with others especially when it comes to making other people feel better about themselves in uncomfortable situations. It is not your fault that the most you could come up with is "I'm so sorry", just hearing those words from someone while in a tough time can me a lot to a person. Usually the more worldly you are the better you are able to show compassion to others. As you experience more situations and problems people are in you will be better help guide them to a better path and make them feel better in the process. Keep in mind that while this is very altruistic and kind of you this is kind of a double edged sword. While you help other people and make them feel better it can also take a toll on you too being exposed to too much stress.

Also don't worry about needing to learn new tricks or skills during quarantine. As a person who bases almost all my decisions around how they will impact me in the future I have realized that there is a point where you can care too much and need to just focus on the present. Sometimes we focus so much on how to achieve our goals and what to do that we lose track of other things that are important to us. It is ok to take time out for yourself and not stress about improving yourself all the time. I've realized after a while that sometimes waiting, listening, and watching the world around you is the best thing to do. In my case atleast, this has triggered some moments where something happens and you know that it was just meant to be or that this is what you have been waiting for. Like an "I will know it when I see it" kind of feeling. It's hard to explain. Well anyway by doing this I have actually been able to grow a lot as a person and luckily have been able to help out other people in difficult and sometimes life threatening times. Sometimes when you are needed life will just find a way to come to you.

As for the smoking please try to find a substitute that is positive that you enjoy. I do not like the idea of doing drugs for many reasons. The main one being the dependence and loss that a person can feel while taking them. Don't think of them as allowing you a chance to feel good because then you will only want to take them more and in turn you might end up feeling even worse after you use them. Instead find something you are passionate about. Like music, gaming, swimming or anything else that you can enjoy in a positive setting. Try this instead of smoking pick an alternative activity to do like meditate or do Tai Chi or something like that. Maybe cut the smoking to once every other day, then every two days and continue until you are able to stop. You might feel good temporarily but if you can stop for a long period of time I bet you will feel very accomplished and proud of yourself. 

 

Well, I don't know what I was expecting to find on the forums at 3 AM but I'm glad I saw this. This is what I mean when you will just know when something is meant to be or feels right. I guess now I can finally feel comfortable enough to go to sleep. I hope you see this message, I might check back in when it's morning. cya.

 

 

 

[Ratio]

Giving yourself deadlines is always a healthy way to really keep yourself going, but to expect something so large such as social anxiety to just kind of disappear is unrealistic. Asocial behavior is something I fight with as well and let me tell you that it's a much larger problem made out of smaller ones. It'll never be fixed over night and once you realize that, then you can set more realistic deadlines.

My New Years Resolution was to be a better person because in my life I've just been very hateful towards people who may or may not deserve it. Part of this was to start cutting ugly words out of my vocabulary (namely the super cool gamer word). I view this as realistic because so far I haven't said it in over half a year -- which people obviously meme about whenever I bring it up, but it's a small goal that thus far I have achieved. Do I feel like I'm a better person? Compared to how I was back then, yes. Definitely. But you never stop improving, you know? And I intend on continuing to get better, beginning to work towards breaking my nastier habits.

Maybe you can use this as your real first step. Part of social interaction is, as you stated, expressing empathy and compassion for others. However you can't do this without first opening yourself up, which is what you've done here. You're not going to be beloved over night, and some people will hate you for the way you were in the past, some people will hate you for changing, and some people will hate you just to hate you! When you're in the headspace to understand your own emotions, then you'll understand others.

Not only that, but you're a younger guy. Empathy doesn't really fully develop until you're in your 20's and your brain doesn't even fully mature until you're around 25. Why do you think kids at high school can be cruel idiots sometimes? I wish you luck in your journey for self-improvement.